Why I Didn’t Become a FOCUS Missionary

and became a full time Catholic wedding photographer instead.

It was the fall of my senior year of college. I was studying Fashion Merchandising at NC State and balancing my wedding photography business, classes, and my restaurant job. After the most rejuvenating summer of my life at Summer Projects in the mountains of Southern California, the semester was hitting me hard. My once consistent prayer routine was out the window and I was on the struggle bus.

Throughout the midst of one of the craziest semesters of my life, the question of what I was going to do after college loomed over my head. Although I told everyone around me, from friends and family to complete strangers and my professors, that taking my photography business full time was the ONLY path for me, there was a part of me that had lingering doubts.

Watching my friends and peers get jobs with benefits and consistent paychecks brought up some initial doubts. For a split second, I started to think about the practicals of owning my own business. People always say that they work for themselves to choose their hours and then starting working every waking hour instead and I started to see that as a very real probability for the first few years of being full time.

Fortunately, I have never let practicality get in the way of my dreams before. 401k or no, I was going to fulfill my childhood dream of being an entrepreneur!

However, there was another, stronger stirring in my heart. I had fallen in love. The Lord had been pursuing my heart gently over the past few years and it took a summer of daily Mass and prayer for me to open my heart to his plans for my life. Although it was scary, I knew that his plans would be better than mine.

In the midst of my semester, I found myself filling out an application to be a full time missionary with FOCUS. I was attracted to the idea of ministering to struggling college students and having daily Mass and prayer built into my job.

I finished the application on the last night before it was due and decided that if I was offered a position my answer would be an emphatic YES.

However, I think the Lord had other plans for my life because I didn’t end up hearing back from FOCUS until the spring. In the months were I heard nothing, the Lord invited me into greater depths of trust. My heart began to feel called in a different direction. I began to see my wedding photography business as a ministry first and foremost. It allowed me love on my clients in a really unique way and to witness one of the most holy days of their lives. I also get to receive communion on the job at wedding Masses which just never gets old! I realized that with the flexibility that my job provides, I can pray and attend Mass literally whenever I want throughout the week. 

There were a few other factors that ended in me not pursuing a job with FOCUS that spring, and although at first I questioned my decision, the past few months have brought so much peace and confirmation from the Lord that being a Catholic wedding photographer is exactly where he wants me.